Is about the most annoying thing that people say regularly in the book shop. It makes me want to give a Clement Freud style comeback that would both embarrass them and cause them to change their reading habits. Instead I go a little red and smile too much. Sometimes I say “Mmmm” like I’m agreeing with them, which makes me deeply ashamed. Especially as I’ve been reading I Could Ride All Day in My Cool Blue Train by Peter Hobbs, and it’s just wonderful. I’m that ‘engaged’ I can’t think about much else.
Published by Faber and Faber
SO, I’ve managed to get Peter Hobbs to sign three of his beautiful books and I will be giving them away to the best Clement Freud style comeback to “Yeah, I don’t like short stories, they just don’t engage me,” or to excellent suggestions of short story collections. I can’t write that without it rhyming, sorry.
The perfect rejoinder surely has to be that Pascal quote: “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” If you’re not engaged, it may mean you’re just not paying attention.
I used to think I didn’t like short stories. Then I realised that I was reading volume after volume of them. Some really amazing ones I’ve read this year:
Clare Wigfall – The Loudest Sound and Nothing (astonishingly varied voices and settings, ignore comparison to Helen Simpson – she’s much, much better, and I speak as someone that actually quite likes Helen Simpson)
Neil Smith – Bang Crunch (surprisingly moving for something with such a funky title)
Patrick Ness – Topics About Which I Know Nothing (completely mental, ideal for fans of Nicola Barker and The Onion)
Any collection of Roald Dahl short stories (preferably the adult ones) are absolute genius (maybe not so high up the literary ladder but so vivid).
Due to lurgy my brain capactiy as (at best) halved so sadly no witty put-downs springing to mind…
ps ‘William and Mary’, ‘Taste’ and ‘Parson’s Pleasure’ are particular favs.
How about Jimi Hendrix for a retort? “The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye”… sounds like you have thought about it a lot more deeply than they have!!
As for short stories… two of my favourite writers (best known for their novels) are brilliant short story writers…
F Scott Fitzgerald is my first example, the first line of the Cut-Glass Bowl, “There was a rough stone age and a smooth stone age and a bronze
age, and many years afterward a cut-glass age.” Brilliant jazz age imagery.
Honore de Balzac. Any and all collections of his short stories are wonderful. El Verdugo is one of the most beautiful and devastating stories written. In six pages I was sobbing. If that’s not engaging, then I don’t know what is…
May I suggest a sweetly delivered mix of sympathy and sadism – “Oh how awful – you don’t engage? You poor thing!” And then cure them with Tobias Wolff because I defy anyone not to be blown away by his stories. Thanks for reminding me – I’ve not read one in a while!
I suggest:
‘Yeah, me too.’ (Smile, go red, say “mmmm”.)
Then:
‘Oh, I’ve just realised, weve reched the quote for peopoe who irritate me who are allowed in the shp today. I’m awfully sorry. Could you please leave?’
I don’t think it’s very Clement Freud, but I like the fact it would be like doing a little skit.
James Lasdun’s ‘It’s Beginning to Hurt’ was sensationally good. Wonderful attention to words and things. James Salter’s ‘Last Night’, however, is my all time favourite. Three stories in there take the breath away: Give, Palm Court, and Last Night itself.
As for a retort. How about:
‘How wise not to attempt the accent.’
I Could Ride All Day in My Cool Blue Train – nice title.
Works whatever they’ve said.
You -
‘Are you saying that a shag down the alley which leaves you tingling for days is less interesting than a marriage of fifty years?’
Them – ‘Ooh I hadn’t thought about it like that. Give me one of your finest short Daphne Du Mauriers’
Short stories I find quite charming, Willow for me gave a voice and personality to the vertically challenged previously only known for their ability to be tossed (in an aeronautical way) by yobs with beards for the amusement of the unenlightened